Chicago Stand-Ups Mentioned on ChicagoMag.com
The Bastion is young, but ambitious. We hope to someday say that we know everything going on in Chicago comedy. Every show, every party, every review, every media mention. Imagine our humble surprise, then, when an undiscovered nugget of fun almost slipped through our very own inbox.
It was a Saturday night. Chicago was teeming with energy and shows and parties and excitement. The Bastion was at home on the internet. Right.
Anyhow, moving on. We were tidying up e-mails, including the weekly subscription to Chicago Magazine's Marquee. It's interesting and useful, but unfortunately, we often get behind on it, and thus it gets relegated to the "delete without reading" folder.
That night, however, we opened it, for a lark, hoping to stave off sleepy time. The first thing we noticed was the name "Nick Vattesot". The Bastion said to itself, "Boy howdy, that sure is similar to 'Nick Vatterott.' Who's this very similarly named individual?" We quickly scrolled.
And lo, five of Chicago's top alternative stand-up comedians were quoted, and the article wrapped up with recommendations of the top three places to see alternative comedy in Chicago. Read the full article here. Select jokes after the jump.
(Now, if we could just warn Nick Vatterott about this imposter who's out on the scene.)
Jared Logan: “The Etch-a-Sketch is the toy for drawing that makes drawing almost completely impossible. The Etch-a-Sketch simulates what drawing would be like if you had crippling arthritis.”
Nick Vattesot [sic]: “People back home ask me what my apartment in Chicago is like. I tell them to picture the most dreary, depressing place they’ve ever been. Then subtract chairs.”
Kumail Nanjiani: “I’ve always wanted to have a unit of measurement name after me because all the cool scientists have them—Joule, Newton . . . Mr. Kilometer. But I want something cool, like, ‘turn the torpedoes up to five Kumails!’
‘Five Kumails? That’s way too much power! Most people can’t handle one Kumail.’”
Brady Novak: “When I’m at a water park, kids ask me why I’m wearing a T-shirt. I tell them it makes me go down the slide faster, but deep down they know I’m wearing it to hide my fat.”
T.J. Miller: “I have a friend who answered the question—Which do you like better, sex or food?—with ‘food.’ So at his bachelor party, instead of a stripper who comes out of a cake, we got him a cake that comes out of a stripper. It was messy, but worth it.”
