Former friends of The Bastion Don't Spit The Water have announced their corporate sluttiness with the recent revelation that they are, in fact, hapless stooges of industry, and are bound to use Aquafina, and only Aquafina, in their shows for the next year.

Okay, they're not really our former friends. We're just envious because we haven't figured out a way to get huge crateloads of stuff delivered to our doorstep.

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- Elizabeth McQuern