Writer Ben Bass has been keeping Schadenfreude up-to-date on all of his Aspen shenanigans of the past week, and after some pleading and groveling, gave us here at the Bastion an exclusive update:

"Stephen Colbert received the first-ever Person of the Year award with tongue firmly in cheek: "What an honor for me. And for you to give it to me. This is my first man of the year award, the first of many, I hope, including from you. I hope this doesn't take me out of the running for 2008." Moderator Jeff Greenfield asked Colbert whether he ever brought his patented blow-dried blowhard character home to his wife and family. Colbert: "Oh my God, no. That guy is a tool!"

Mustachioed comedian Kirk Fox talked about the late night life in Aspen. At a bar the night before, he told an overflow audience, "This well-dressed guy came up to me and said, 'I'm gay; I'm single; I'm worth fifty million dollars; I have a home in Aspen, and also New York and Los Angeles; and I would love to sleep with you tonight.' And I said, you had me at 'I'm gay.' " After the laughter died down, he added, "No, actually, my mustache is gay but I'm not."

Every year, standups here get a lot of mileage out of Aspen itself: the high-altitude thin air, the absence of racial minorities around town, and the general "rich white people" sensibility. Rising Australian comic Tim Minchin walked offstage a few times to grab variously flavored oxygen canisters, and observed, "In the U.S., they let you have guns, but in Australia we get oxygen."

In Brendan Hunt's one-man show, "Five Years in Amsterdam," he rattled off his take on the sexual habits of women of various nationalities, as evidenced by those he'd bedded during his days as a Boom Chicago comedy star. He said of a German girlfriend, "She sneered when she ejaculated... if girls do that."

Don Rickles was shocked by a surprise guest appearance from his best friend, Bob Newhart, to present him with an award. "This guy hates to fly," Rickles said of Newhart. "I'm going to have to do his laundry or something to pay for this one."

Newhart told how, late in life, after losing her husband, his mother suffered from Alzheimer's disease. At one point she asked whether her husband were still alive. Told he was not, she asked, "Did I kill him?" Newhart concluded, "This is why people go into comedy: their families."

Bronx-bred standup Mike DeStefano's very funny act is loud, coarse and aggressive in the vein of, say, Nick DiPaolo. He voiced his disbelief at being asked for a resume from an industry type: "Are you kidding? I get up here and swear at people. That's my resume." He later observed, "Don't you hate it when white people act black? You know, like Oprah?"

Absurdist standup comedy legend Steven Wright banged out a very well-received one-hour set at the Wheeler Opera House. His first line was, "When I was born, the first thing I said was 'Quote,' and when I'm about to die, the last thing I say will be 'Unquote.' "

Comedian Andy Borowitz moderated a spirited, entertaining panel discussion with some of the nation's top gossip bloggers, from websites like Gawker, Defamer, Vanity Fair and TMZ. Discussing the competition for celebrity scandal scoops, TMZ managing editor Harvey Levin mentioned, "We broke Mel Gibson." Borowitz shot back, "Do you mean physically?" Levin described his frantic late-night attempt to assemble the necessary cash to purchase the hotly pursued Michael Richards meltdown tape: "We had to go from ATM to ATM. It was like a bad movie, two Jews at a gas station ATM in LA at one in the morning." Borowitz: "And then Mel Gibson drove by..."