Remember the Bastion's Louis CK "Shameless" DVD giveaway contest? Of course you do. Here, for your groaning pleasure, the winning redhead jokes submitted by soon-to-be proud owners of a shiny new Louis CK DVD:

1. Why did Namorita break up with the Human Torch?

Because all red-heads are fucking crazy.

-Dan

2. What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann with the Pillsbury Doughboy?

An angry redhead with a yeast infection.

- Jim

3. Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing.

The redhead turns to the other and asks, "Do you still get horny?"

The other replies, "Oh sure I do."

The redhead asks, "What do you do about it?

The second old lady replies, "I suck a lifesaver."

After a few moments, the redhead asks, "Who drives you to the beach?"

-Paul

...and, a few runners-up:

1. What do you call a Communist Blowjob? Red-head.

-Tim

2. Did you hear the one about the red-headed fireman?

His hair caught on fire but NO ONE COULD TELL!

But (A) it wasn't "in the line of duty" fighting a fire. He was just at home in his backyard grilling out. So the fact that he was a fireman was a "red herring" part of the set-up.

And (B) the reason no one could tell is that he was alone out there grilling. Had anyone seen him, they'd've seen the fire and, one assumes, help extinguish his head.

So the lesson is, DON'T GRILL ALONE, no matter WHAT your hair color!

-Robert (Buscemi, of course)

3. A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were
watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the
Brooklyn Bridge.

The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead
replied, "I'll take that bet!" Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde
gave the redhead the $50 she owed.

The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend."

The blonde said, "No. A bet's a bet. You won the money."

So the redhead said, "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 O'clock
news, so I can't take your money."

The blonde replied,... "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump
again!"

-Bridget

4. An old man of ninety was sitting on a park bench crying.

A policeman noticed this and asked him why he was crying.

"Well," says the old fellow, "I just got married to a twenty-five year old
redhead. Every morning she makes me a wonderful breakfast and then we make
love. In the afternoon she makes me a wonderful lunch and then we make love.
At dinner time she makes me a wonderful supper and then we make love."

The policeman looks at the old man and says, "You shouldn't be crying! You
should be the happiest man in the world!"

So the old man says, "I know! I'm crying because I don't remember where I
live!"

Sigh, terrible joke, only vaguely redhead-related. Sorry.

-Fuzzy

- Elizabeth McQuern