That crazy backroom competition wherein everyone puts on a costume or gets naked happens again tonight! 9 o’clock, at the Globe Pub, 1935 Irving Park Rd. This evening will be hosted by Jason Fever, judged by CJ Sullivan, James Fritz’s Coach, and Amie Clarke, and gonged by Tony Blanco.

What you missed if you stayed home the last time:

Ken Barnard, who had not yet earned the title of Second Funniest Person in Chicago, kicked off the show with some jingoistic dancing. Judge CJ Sullivan spit vitriol all night, at one point cursing the memory of Gilda Radner. Judge Sarah King as “Mama Truth” as God alternately offered withering criticism or sexual contact to the contestants. James Fritz’s Coach brought a down-home southern pedophilic charm to the affair.

But try as they might, the judges could not rise to the level of creepiness displayed by the contestants. Costumes were favored, from Dionysus to an American Eagle. The comedians who attempted straight-forward non-costumed were gonged pretty quickly. (Tip for tonight: if you attempt this, don’t get angry at the audience for heckling you. Heckling is the whole POINT of being in the audience at this.) There were two contestants who got naked. Danielle put on a burlesque show that involved obscene acts with a blow up doll. Danielle’s short stature may have been her defining physical feature in the audience’s eyes until she revealed her pasties. She ended up winning the top prize. The audience was less appreciative of Kyle Parris stripping down to a gym sock. Other notable performances included Tap-Man, who tapped and read poems from kindergarten, and comedy heartthrobs Team Submarine, who berated the audience and got lots of love in return.

From the Bastion’s observation of the last Globe Gong, here are the guidelines for not getting gonged:

- put on a costume
- if you’re a woman take off your clothes
- if you’re a man keep them on
- don’t get angry at the audience
- unless you can make it funny
- dance

But you can’t win it if you don’t show up, so put on your Halloween costume, ready your jazz hands, and come to the Globe Pub tonight for your chance at infamy!

-Carrie Callahan Photo by Kirsten Pfeiffer.