Scotty Iseri is an artist and musician who periodically rocks Chicago's face off in The Big Rock Show, billed as the world's smallest stadium rock concert. He does curious things with paper hats on public transportation, offers Chicago the public service of a drunk dial hotline, and can tell you a thing or two about playing the Alabama Shakespeare Festival in size four red leather jeans. He has also just released his third album: "Scotty Iseri for President," which includes the song "I'm Sorry, Mr. President, I Just Fucked Your Daughter," and can be heard here.

For the uninitiated, what's The Big Rock Show all about?

The Big Rock Show, according to my manager, is the hit-comedy sensation that has taken Chicago, and the world, by storm. In reality, it's me and my roommate lugging a trunk full of fireworks on stage and blowing them up while playing rock songs. We call it "the World's Smallest Stadium Rock Concert". Everything you'd find in a 70 dollar ticket show like Kiss or U2, but on a budget of about 20 bucks.

Tell us about the "Legends of No-Fi Tour." We hear it was a huge international smash. How did that come together, and do you have any good stories from the road?

International? I guess Canada counts, doesn't it? It's not just "north montana" anymore. No-Fi was great. You know who loves songs about crooked CEO's getting anally raped in prison showers? Salt Lake City. Seriously! All those Jack-Mormons in Utah congregated at TBRS and went nuts over our tribute to Jerry Falwell. Of course, this is before he died (may he rest comfortably in his burning hot pool of sulfur). Best story from the road? Well, we almost got into a fight with a male model. See, Tim the roadie couldn't make the tour (rehab), so we brought out Joe the Roadie for the nation-wide tour. Joe, unlike Tim, enjoys the company of men and was staring at this dude. Since we were getting in the van, i snapped a picture. The guy pulled a Sean Penn and got all bitchy. He started screaming "do you know who I am? I'm a male model! You can't just snap my picture!" He got all up in my face, and...well, let's put it this way. When you look like me (98lbs of half-jap love) you don't pick fights much, but I coulda totally taken this douchebag. I hope he's a Bastion reader.

Is there something magical about those red leather pants, like Dorothy and her ruby red slippers, that allows you to do things you wouldn't be able to do otherwise?

They allow me to rock your face off. Here...lemme show you...:

You moved to Chicago from Oregon. How has the adjustment to city life gone, and do you have a favorite "I love (or hate) Chicago" moment or two you'd like to share?

I don't know how you people live here. It is literally negative 12 degrees outside right now. It HURTS to be outside. Who does that to themselves? Also, the CTA makes me want to give up my peaceful tantric lifestyle and bust some heads.

We hear you have a secret identity of sorts, involving the CTA and something about paper hats. Is it about fighting crime, spreading joy, frightening visiting suburbanites, or some combination thereof?

I get this a lot. There's this stunningly handsome guy that rides the subway. He gets on the train with a stack of newspapers and makes hats for everybody. Look, if I was this so-called "paper hat guy" there's no way I'd admit it. Damndest thing about secret identities. The paper hat guy is like Batman...only with fewer muscles, less gadgets, and less homoerotic subtext.

What's with all this "Japalicious" stuff you're trying to pull? Aren't you really Italian or Jewish or something?

You Clazy Amelican! Alrays denying my Japanese loots. You wouldn't talk rike this if you knew ancient Japanese secret: We all know Karate.

Iseri as all four members of a four man band:

Is the Drunk Dial Hotline (as featured on WBEZ's 848) still up and running? Does it give you a feeling of priestlike power over the hapless souls who pour their inebriated hearts out to you, or it it mostly good for a laugh?

The Drunk Dial Hotline is still available for use, but it was recently absorbed by the Scotty Iseri Media Empire. It's since expanded to include "We Hate You: The Working Class Podcast" which is a call-in hotline for employees of the service industry, "Maximum Podthing Awesometown" which is a podcast between me and Tim the Roadie about...well...it's the audio version of TBRS without the music, and "Scotty Iseri, You Can Do Anything" which is a video series in which I fight madmen and pretend to be a dinosaur. (I can't believe how ridiculous that sounds when i write it out).

You have performed at the Alabama Shakespeare Festival. What's that like, and how was your particular brand of humor received there?

Here's what you need to know about Alabama: people won't say the word "black" there. They will mouth the word black. Like when you tell them what neighborhood you live in and they say "oh, that's...that's nice. Do you have any trouble with the b____s?" My first album "Live from the Alabama Shakespeare Festival" is approximately 40 minutes long. The original concert was an hour ten. You know what we edited out? half an hour of toothless caterwauling, and the sound of half-full PBR cans smacking me in the forehead. (It should be noted that there are about 5 people in Alabama that completely shattered any stereotype I had about the place, and I hope they don't read this and get mad.)

What does 2008 hold for you, and The Big Rock Show?

Well, I'm about to release the third album: Scotty Iseri for President. It's the opening salvo in my 2020 presidential campaign. It's the first full length studio album we've ever done and has a bunch of semi-famous people on it. (Shit, this isn't exactly germane, but there was a 24 hour period where i thought i might be able to get Barack Obama to shout "Scotty Iseri, You Can do Anything!"...long story). It's a lot of the hits from TBRS, but with drums and bass, and (occasionally) toy piano. Then i'm heading back out to Oregon for a 2 week run of TBRS. I'm performing Feb. 14th-28th with Fall Guy Theatre. Should be fun. It's TBRS Classic...so it's before we did Big Rock Christmas Show, Big Rock Death Show, Big Rock Revolutions and Big Rock with Lime. We're pulling a "New Coke" and going back to the classic formula. Is this where I plug the website? (Editor's note: yes.)

Can the Bastion grab a ride on your scooter to your next show? We promise not to put our hands over your eyes.

Are you mocking Eva, the Big Rock Scooter? She's a hot little number. I can zip along at THIRTY-FIVE Miles Per Hour on that baby. 25 with passenger.