iO's Charna Halpern is proud that yet another of her alumni are going on to work their comedy magic on the boob tube. "Pete Hulnes is the lead in a new show starting in July on Comedy Central. Its called American Body Shop and from what I heard, it’s going to be hilarious."
James Fritz encourages Chicago comedy fans to come out for the new and improved (but still free) Bad Dog open mic on Sunday nights. "Prescott Tolk's gonna start helping out with the Bad Dog Sunday show. I'm tits ahoy about this. He's f*cking great and seems to be genuinely excited about getting more asses in seats/stools/hanging out by the bathrooms. And he's been on the Tee Vee. Fucking A. Start coming out to Bad Dog, people. It's free. What more do you want?"
The kids in KevINda have been nominated for a fistful of awards. "Blaxploitation 2: You Know How We Deux, written by Inda Craig-Galván, Kevin Douglas and Carla Stillwell, has received 10 Black Theater Alliance Nominations. One is for Best Writing. Yay, kevINda. And Carla. Maybe we should call ourselves kevINdaCaRLaohneverminD."
iO's Barry Hite is very disappointed in the guy who stole his debit card, more for the particular bar the thief chose to spend $200 of Hite's money in: "But then I looked at what you bought with my $200. You went to a bar I know called Hi Tops. It’s a pretty awful bar. It’s where assholes go to drink. Guys that get their hair cut every two weeks. Guys who use Mystic tan because tanning lotion is too messy. Guys who stare at themselves in the mirror when they lift weights. Not looking in the mirror to check their form but looking in the mirror because 'Sweet Broseph, I am RIPPED right now.' And you went there. Willingly. When you had the option of going anywhere and drinking for free. You chose Hi Tops. A place where you’ll get called a faggot for ordering an Amstel."
Sitcom Cliches, Miracle Whoops, Teenage Alcoholics, More
Fasten your seatbelts, readers. It's time for the Thursday spin through the Chicago comedy blogosphere! Nobody can cut and paste like we do, baby.
One of our favorite new bloggers, i.O.'s Hans Holsen, continues on with his detailed adventures into comedy writing and pitching for tv. This week, he lists the five most popular sitcom plotlines. Someone really should make a drinking game of this: "New Boyfriend/Girlfriend Disrupts the Family/Social Unit," "Important Restaurant Outing Imperiled by Serving of Blowfish," "Character is Asked to Give Eulogy at Wrong Funeral," "On Vacation, a Family Member Gets Lost and Eats SnackWell’s," and the classic "The Electricity Goes Out, and the Group Bonds."
Kyle Kinane has always had a gift for the snappy pun: "This girl at work dropped her sandwich in the lunch room. I immediately said 'What kind of sandwich was that–Fumblebee Tuna?' It got me thinking. Wow, Kyle, you’re pretty goddamn hilarious with food jokes and/or puns. As I was even thinking that, I blurted out 'Did you use mayonnaise or Miracle Whoops?' I was so good I started to get scared."
Hey, teenyboppers who think you can covertly send friends to the bar at i.O. for your drinks? Crago is on to you.
Chris Burns reconsiders the limits of social leverage of a cool MySpace page: "Don't tell somebody, 'You should check out my MySpace page' to show them how far you've come since college. Because what it does is, show them exactly how far you've come since college. I've pretended to be the bartender inside of a Mexican painting and imitated a little black kid from a health insurance commercial."
Improv newbie Angela Manginelli gently reminds you that occasionally feeling stupid and uninspired is part of the process, like when she and fellow i.O. students were given an exercise: "We were told to go in and deliberately do the worst improv we could. We had blatant denials, tons of questions, horrible object work, people leaving stage to sit down and in most cases no character relationships or plots to follow. It was amazing…(because) despite our best efforts to do truly horrible work we were not able to totally disregard what we had learned. We still were unconsciously creating patterns, games and still committing to the work. In other words, we are growing as improvisers and performers."
Pitching NBC, Second City TourCo Blog, New iO Blogs, More
Second City's Seth Weitberg has kicked off a new blog, "Easy Writer: Tales from the Road." What's it all about? Well, it's "a chronicle of life on the road with The Second City Touring Company as we bounce from place to place, trying to bring comedy to the masses." It's a cool read. Here's the current issue.
Here's Jeb Cadwell's attempted rundown of almost four hundred stand-up performances in only ten months. Did he hold a notecard at that show at Pressure last June? Did he actually put Thyme Café out of business? Only he knows for sure.
iO has put together a few new blogs, including a great one by instructor and performer Hans Holsen, who lately is opening up to the blogiverse about the wild and wonderful process of pitching to NBC, ABC, CBS, Comedy Central and The Golf Channel. If you flip through the channels and see new tv shows called "Brothers of Gnats" and "Drunk ‘N’ High," you'll know things went well for Hans.
Also newly blogging at iO is Bill Saveley, who currently entertains with theories about Roswell, UFO's, and people who mysteriously died in ways that seemed connected to former President Bill Clinton. (If next week his blog is suddenly gone, send a carefully written letter to Hillary.) Then there's Barry Hite, who lately has touched on the loss of Molly Ivans and the ridiculousness of haute couture.
Meanwhile, improv newbie Angela Manginelli, also at iO, muses about the puzzle pieces that make up the group mind: "As a younger improviser I feel it is especially important to remind myself that everything I do on stage has an effect on the overall picture, no matter how 'small' of a role it is."
Improv Babies, Bad Date Movies, "Real" Laughs, Reality TV Girlfriends, and More
Today in the Chicago comedy blogosphere...
Angela continues with her "improv beginner at IO" blog: "So far what I enjoy and appreciate the most is the nurturing, 'there are no mistakes' attitude that seems to be prevalent at iO. This week we were told to think of class as a safe haven where we should feel free to be reckless and try and fail rather than only making safe choices, taking baby steps and not exploring the full worth of our potential. I find that idea to be of great comfort. There are few times in life when you are told you can do no wrong and know that you will be fully supported no matter which choices you make."
Kumail holds forth on the ten worst date movies of all time: "So you finally got up the nerve to ask her out. Good for you. And she said yes. Better for you. You had a nice dinner, great conversation, and an entire bottle of wine. And then you swung for the fences. 'Wanna go back to my place and watch a movie?' And she said yes. On the first date. She is either a super easy ho-bag, or totally totally into you. Either way, you are in. As they say, sex is on. Unless of course, you pick completely the wrong movie. Here are ten movies you should never ever watch in such a situation."
Steve Gadlin waxes philosophical about different types of laughter, and why Bob Uecker's pasted-on-upside-down-yay mouth is so transcendantly hilarious: "99% of the time I'm laughing, I'm polite laughing. When I'm really laughing, I laugh so hard that I cry. And that's not always a result of how funny something is, rather how badly I needed to laugh at the time. Heavy, heavy laughing is something I need to do a few times a year, or my head falls off."
Chris Burns is okay with you watching his girlfriend on television, but only in this particular case: "If someone comes up to you and says, 'I've been watching your girlfriend' you should want to fight them or tell them to please stop doing that or tell your girlfriend to close her curtains when she's getting dressed, because there's a creepo hanging around. But when your girlfriend is on a reality show called Nashville Star airing every Thursday at 10ET/9CT (mine is, please start watching) you are more likely to simply say, 'thank you.'"
Dan Winter shares his thoughts on the POTUS' State of the Union address: "W’s ordinary dude was the guy who flopped on top of a guy having a seizure in the subway and fell to the tracks just as the train was coming in to the station. POTUS talked of this guy personifying Uhmurrica. Bravery and humility were cited."
kevINda's Inda Craig-Galván is more than a bit annoyed at businesses using MLK quotes as taglines for sales and special promotions: "Someone just e-mailed me Soul Salon Spa's ad for the Dr. King Day Special and I realized the true meaning of the word offensive. It is not a clever marketing tactic. It's insensitive and manipulative and to twist his words and commercialize his legacy. It's even worse when we do it."
Brooke Van Poppelen reminisces about the difficulties of teenage employment: "On the first day, she made her authority known by throwing rags at all of us and yelling, 'If you've got time to lean, then you've got time to clean!!!' I was startled by this and awkwardly wandered out into the dining room and wiped the already sparkling clean tables over and over again for fear of inducing her wrath. This became a routine. I would see Irene out of the corner of my eye, immediately pick up a rag and bolt out to the dining area frantically searching for something to wipe. I have since become a compulsive wiper in any other jobs or stressful situations I've had thanks in part to my Pavlovian rituals with Irene."
Don Hall waxes philosophical about the nature of art, and things made of poo: "I used to make a joke that the reason I started an Off Loop theater in the first place was Picasso. He became so revered at one point (so the rumor goes) that he would pay for meals by drawing some shit on a napkin. I decided that my goal was to one day be able to get up onstage, wearing nothing but blue body paint and a grass skirt, sit on a wooden mat and eat tropical fruit out of a series of wooden bowls underscored by Elvis Presley singing 'Blue Hawaii'" I would know I had 'made it' when the audience saw clothing where there was none and declared it a great piece of moving performance art."
Angela Manginelli is documenting her entire iO student experience from the very beginning: "At my first class I felt I fell into the role of the armchair improviser rather easily....It’s one thing to watch and critique, but it’s a whole different thing to get up and do it myself. I felt I did ok, but definitely felt rusty around the edges. I made choices that I didn’t feel were as strong as I could have or should have made. I know that if I had been watching myself from the audience I would have wished I’d taken more time to listen to what my partner was asking for and focus more on making the other person look good and feel comfortable. Not having improvised in a few years put me back in my head and second-guessing myself a lot more than necessary. Being in your head seems to be a common ailment amongst improvisers and one I hope to avoid in the future as much as possible."
Crago has thoughts about beer, among other things: "Old Milwaukee Is Better Than Schlitz! It truly is. I dare anyone to disagree with me. The cans of Schlitz smelled like old bandaids. It was disgusting. I’m so happy that we have Old Milwaukee now…and it’s only $2!"
Allison Bills vows never to do rage-fueled Red Bull induced comedy again: "When I arrived at the theater, the other shows had already started and Deep Schwa was waiting for their closing slot. I stood with team-mate, Tim Mason talking and suddenly realized I was really angry. I couldn't put my finger on what about, perse, but I felt literally filled with rage, completely irrational. I talked to Tima bout it a little and he was the one to originally point the finger at the Red Bull. He said there was an ingredient in Red Bull that was extracted from real bulls and was responsible for their bouts of energetic rage. This did NOT comfort me, but did make me aware or and conscientious about what was happening to me. I found myself running the gamut of awful circumstances I thought my state of mind would be terrible in... if I were a white supremacist, or a fraternity boy with a very drunk girl, or a surgeon. I was terrified of myself."
iO bartender Crago has dealt with a few drunks in his time, thank you very much, and New Year's Eve was no exception. "One of the patron had gotten a little too drunk. This always happens, right? I mean there’s always one in the crowd, right? YES! I’ve never seen this guy before, but let’s just say he was wearing a sweater vest with a t-shirt underneath it. Now I’m not one for fashion. In fact, the girls I work with at my dayjob have helped me take leaps and bounds with my wardrobe…but a sweater vest? I know better than that. Anyway, this guy was HUGE. A big, big dude…and he was hammered."
Andy Ross loses his sense of personal boundaries when it comes to Sudoku: "Maybe I could just look at your sudoku? I’ve been practicing not filling in the squares, and I’m pretty close to holding it all in my head. Please don’t get up. No don’t. SIT DOWN! There that’s better. Everything’s fine."
Have you seen Lauren Bishop's dignity? If you have, please let her know. She'd like to have it back. "Dignity has definitely run away from home before. The longest she has ever been gone is one month. That was about three years ago, while I was playing the Easter bunny at Marshall Fields, holding newborn babies for pictures. I am pretty sure she slipped away while I was quietly sobbing underneath a large wooden bunny head, my eyes too clouded with tears to notice her slip out."
iO's the Scene blogs about sexual politics in improv. Jon acknowledges that there are generally more males than females in the world of improv, and sometimes, a female improviser will be in class with a straight up creep. "While this problem is mostly the males making the ladies feel uncomfortable, the ladies also need to have thick skins. In a perfect situation, they wouldn’t need to deal with this. But the perfect situation won’t happen. You need to learn to deal with it when it happens. I’m not saying live with it or accept it; I’m saying deal with it. Don’t back down. Turn the tables on the guy. Or, heaven forbid, confront the guy who is making you feel uncomfortable."
The Scene's Molly goes on to say "In my opinion, you are in total control of your improv 100% of the time.... shit or get off the pot. Feminism is about owning your own shit. So own it! Don’t wait for a man to make you a doctor in a scene… make yourself one! If a guys tries to hump you onstage, hump back, or say no, or be an undercover cop, or whatever…but it’s your choice."
Mike Holmes recaps the Year in Stupid News: "Teens binge drink, government study finds.The study’s findings are contradictory to long-held beliefs that teens prefer to sip on expensive Scotch at exclusive social clubs."
It's probably a good thing that nobody gave Nick Vatterott a Kay's Jeweler gift certificate for Christmas: "What is it? Women love looking at jewelry, it’s appeasing to the eye. I like looking at baseball cards. That doesn’t mean that I’m going to hang them from my earlobes. Which probably for the best since I don’t have any good cards. I’d have to wear like a ‘79 Bob Euker, and an ‘88 Tops Checklist Card."
Did you know Jared Logan was the first infant to climb Mount Everest? It's true. He blogged about it.
Rachael Mason is a little annoyed with symbolism itself. Haven't we all had days like that? "Dear Symbolism, You can get f*cked too. I saw a dead bird and a broken bottle and a car crash and an ambulance and a homeless man all before 10 am today and last night I had a dream about bugs in my guts. I get it. I can see you. You know a picture is worth a thousand words right? Stop beating me over the head with the imagery already. My life is a scary movie. Fine. Piss off and leave me alone."
Mike Bridenstine plans to drop $3 million at the Peninsula this New Year's Eve, but only 'cause they're throwing in a Bentley.
Allison Bills pointed us to a fascinating article in Vanity Fair called "Why Women Aren't Funny" by Christopher Hitchens, who uses a study from Stanford University School of Medicine to explain that comedy, like everything else, is about getting laid. Oh, and then he made some piggish statements about women. Aw, Christopher Hitchens, sometimes you say the cutest things.
Speaking of funny/smart girls, Jena Friedman has given us permission to share her senior anthropology thesis from Northwestern with our readers. It's called "Whose Truth and Comedy? An ethnography of race, gender and power in long-form improvisational comedy in Chicago." It's the bomb. Click here to download the Word document.
Schadenfreude just got back from LA, where they had lots of meetings and made lots of air kisses with smoochy showbiz people. We remember them when they served us sweet potatoes with marshmallows at the Gallery Cabaret back in the day. Oh wait, that was a few weeks ago. Schadenfreude's Kate James also made this recent short with Steve Delahoyde, who can be seen below in the most recent episode of Talkin' Funny, with Sasha and the Noob.
The Wilsons, a married couple of improv performers, tell a story of unwanted boobie staring on the CTA, and a husband's efforts to defend his oblivious wife's honor.
Charna Halpern says she's bringing back mask work to classes at i.O., and also prompts i.O.'s writers to keep their writing packets full and ready for show.
Baz muses about the Mona Lisa, and her facial expression's reflection of percentages of happiness, disgust, fear, and anger.
P.S. I know, we keep haranguing, but let this serve as an offer/challenge to Chicago comedy folks - if you blog regularly, and blog funny stuff, we will post about it here. What's with all the static comedian homepages that are never updated, even with schedule changes? Blog, damnmit! Flash the funny!
And yes, we're going to preface this by asking, once again, why aren't more Chicago comedy folks blogging? (You should really expect this kind of thing from us by now.) Come on! You're funny, you write a lot anyway, you're full of ridiculously clever ideas...blog that shizz! We're reading you, after all.
Don't Spit The Water's NYC Fringe blog explains the pains of what the airlines call "excess baggage," which we like to picture, in this case, as 56 pounds of banana peels and rubber chickens crammed into a box.
i.O.'s Bill Arnett explains the fastest way to get kicked out of your troupe (besides being unfunny): be a jerk. Show up late to rehearsals. Don't take your art seriously. Don't take notes, work hard, or show respect to everyone around you.
Bill Cruz talks about his weeklong hosting gig at Zanies for Chicago alum Jon Roy, and looking forward to the Elevated's anniversary show.
David Angelo is trying to work the phrase "Mary Stuart Masterson!" into the popular lexicon, in place of exclamations like "holy cannoli!" Best of luck with that, David.
Andy of Let Them Hos Fight gives us his final thoughts on the group's experiences at the Del Close Marathon. It was, simply, "awesome."
Ricky Carmona muses about the top ten songs that make him wish he were a woman. Okay, sure, "The Glamourous Life" by Sheila E. Yeah, yeah, "Love Hangover" by Diana Ross. "Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman?" by Bryan Adams? Okay, now you're just talking crazy.
Pat Brice is beginning to suspect that director Kevin Smith might be a jerk, for reasons including that Smith casts himself in his own movies. Can we assume this means Pat Brice hates M. Night Shyamalan, too?
iO's Charna Halpern is proud that yet another of her alumni are going on to work their comedy magic on the boob tube. "Pete Hulnes is the lead in a new show starting in July on Comedy Central. Its called American Body Shop and from what I heard, it’s going to be hilarious."
The Wilsons, a married couple of improv performers, tell a story of 
